For years, I’ve collected notes from my coaching, research for my workshop and information from all the reading I have done around being a mother… but it all lived in folders and files I haven’t looked at for ages. Until ChatGPT that is. I uploaded every note, slide, post and workshop I have done and asked it to find and highlight the most useful ideas and thoughts so I can write about them here. This is the first of many.

I can be almost 100% sure that we have all looked back on our day and thought “I could have done that better” or “I didn’t do enough”. I’ve had plenty of days where I snap at the kids, give in to their request, or pretend I lost track of how long they’ve been on the iPad just to get a moment of quiet.

If you’ve parented or even just spent a day with children, I’m sure you’ve been there too. Bent the rules you set. Let your values blur a little because… you are human.

And being a human who shows up with kindness and love, imperfectly, is more than enough.

I’ve come to embrace the idea of “Good Enough” parenting. The term was coined by the British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, who believed children don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who are present, loving, responsive… most of the time. Not all the time.

Why It Works (and Actually Helps Your Child)

Children learn more from our mistakes than our perfection. They need to see frustration, repair, and resilience in action.

They need to know that no one gets it right every time. And that the magic is in watching your parents, the ones who are in charge of everything, fix it and redirect and realign when it goes awry.

And finally, I cannot say enough about the importance of modeling to your children what you want them to be. Let them see you take time for yourself, let them see you be kind to yourself. If we model martyrdom all the time that’s what they will think is normal. If we model balance and being humans thats what they will think is normal.

Let Go of the Pressure to Be Everything

We were never meant to be everything to our children, not after they begin to grow and become independent.

Trying to fill every role for your child means something else gets neglected: your rest, your relationships, your work, your other children, your sense of self.

It’s okay to let some things go. You are not failing, you’re setting the tone for a balanced life.

What Does “Good Enough” Look Like?

• Saying sorry when you lose your temper.
• Not needing to win every battle.
• Not always saying yes to every request for playtime.
• Not dropping everything the second they want something (want, not need).

Most of all: giving yourself a break when you don’t parent perfectly.

You just need to be kind to them, and to yourself.

I still struggle with this, especially around doing enough with them.

Take Bader, for example when he asks me to come to tennis practice, and I can’t because that’s my only window to see extended family or friends. I feel bad. But I also know I parent better when I’ve had time for myself. And that balance is part of being good enough.

“There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.” – Sue Atkins