Dear Kumquat

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Dear Kumquat,*

First I need to tell you that for the first 9 months of your life you are compared to different fruits and  vegetables until you are as big as a watermelon and ready to come out… I may have just ruined watermelons for myself and anyone else who will read this. But currently you are a Kumquat. This may be the first time I have ever used the word Kumquat so many times (or ever). I am not crazy about the word so I am choosing to call you a date since a kumquat (fourth time) is about the size of a date.

Dear Date,

If all goes well and your on time you will be joining us out here at the end of June. I feel, since you are coming late to the game and entering an already well established family unit, you deserve to be properly prepared for what you may find upon arrival. Consider this an orientation letter prior to commencing this thing we call life.

First, my qualifications. I have done this 4 times before with varying degrees of (relative) success. All prior inhabitants of my womb are healthy and still in possession of all of their limbs, their self respect and dignity. I have however incurred damage to all my limbs, self respect and dignity in the process. You should know that this is normal in this line of work and should not reflect badly on me as a mother. In fact you should be worried if you were in the womb of someone who has not received or is not prepared to receive those same injuries.

During my 13+ years of practice (14 by the time you arrive) I have had numerous opportunities to try and fail at all kinds of parenting methods and philosophies. I now feel confident that I have mastered my unique style of honest, imperfect but wholehearted parenting born of endless hours of reading, research, practice and trial and error. And frankly of deciding the best way to do this is by being honest, first and foremost, with myself and then with my children. And always trying to be kind. Especially when I least feel like doing so.

Physically, I am the healthiest I have been in the last 14 years. I started running a year and a half ago and although I have taken a little break as a result of the morning sickness I still feel better than I have in any other pregnancy. Please don’t feel guilty about the morning sickness, I am more than happy to endure it for the end result and although physically it felt like hell I won’t hold it against you (all the time). 

As you can see I have been working on myself both physically and emotionally. And as a result you will get the best of me! But probably the least of me… seeing as you will be the youngest of 5.

To try and compensate for the significantly less time you have of me compared to your siblings I have already forewarned my work commitments that I will not be as available as I had been so far once you arrive. In fact I even told them I may not be available before you arrive to fit in some time for myself before I am gobbled up by yet another love of my life entering this world.

You see the miracle is when I had your eldest brother I fell in love with him so completely I had no idea how I could ever share this love with another. What I did not know is when each one of your siblings is born they come with their own universe of love for me to fall into. It’s not about sharing the love it is about the love multiplying so no need to worry about any love shortage we have plenty. Yours is growing as we speak and I will readily fall into it on cue when you arrive.

Your father is less dramatic about how he falls into love with you but be sure that he will. His love is like a sudden downpour that soaks you through to your bones while mine is like a constant mist in the air. This may be why your siblings look at your father like he has magic radiating out of his fingertips (while they kind of get used to the constant mist). They never know when it will come but they love the anticipation. And when it does it is a whirlwind of tickles and chases and cuddles and love sandwiches and generally a lot and a lot of silliness… it’s more fun than the mist let me tell you.

Now for your siblings (co-inhabitants of this house you will eventually live in and former inhabitants of the house your are in now). Saud, the eldest, is reliable, lovable and the weirdest of the bunch. He gets his weirdness from my side of the family. You are bound to have some as each of your siblings do to some degree and it manifests its self in a quirky and random sense of humour as well as a willingness to be absolutely, side splittingly, silly when things go quiet in any room. He loves foot ball, if that sort of thing interests you, and reads fantasy books. In my opinion anyone would be lucky to have him as a big brother. He was a fantastic first try for me because there was so little to do… he just came out into this world mostly ready for it.

Aljohara is your older sister. Now I anticipate she will do as much raising of you as I will. Juji was born with an innate sense or responsibility and a wisdom beyond her years. This she gets from her father no doubt. Aljohara is extremely intuitive and reads people really well and often knows exactly what to say to make anyone feel better. Your sister has a knack for doing the sweetest things without being asked at the most surprising time. Juji is also very athletic, she loves dancing and gymnastics and putting on shows and will be so much fun to play with!

Abdullah is 7 now. He is smart and funny and even if he doesn’t always show it he is always watching out for everyone he loves. Currently he is obsessed with Geronimo Stilton books and I imagine when you are old enough to read these books he would be the first to read them to you. He comes up with great games as well and I think he will get a blast out of teaching you some.

finally theres Khaled, He’s going to be 5 when you arrive. Khalid is in a word hilarious. He has also gotten a very big dose of our weirdness. Khalid is a bit of a rebel and I won’t lie to you, he is happy he won’t be the youngest anymore when you come. I think out of the bunch he will be the most fun to you since he has no issue playing with children of any age.

Lastly, I want to tell you a few truths. This world is one of change and uncertainty at times so it is always nice to hold on to what few things in life are certain.

I will love you always, unconditionally and unwaveringly. Of this you can be certain.

I will always work for your best interest and I am always and forever on your side.

I will be honest if you ask me “will it hurt?” and I will never lie to you because its the easier option.

I will never lie to you because I will never do anything to you that needs to be lied about.

If I say no about something I will explain the reason.

I will say no about things a lot more than you would want me to.

I will parent you as well as I can but I will parent you imperfectly.

Everything we do in life we will do imperfectly because we are human. Therefore it goes without saying that you as well will be imperfect, it’s good to know that to begin with because the quest for perfection is time consuming and futile.

Your father and my love is unconditional (yes I know I have already said this but it is important for you to remember.) Our upsets, our disagreements, the mistakes you make and the ones we will inevitably make as well all have nothing to do with our love for you.

So there you have it… Still want to join us? God knows we can’t wait to meet you!

** I wrote this 10 weeks ago and I am currently in my 20th week of pregnancy.

2 thoughts on “Dear Kumquat

  1. enajmah says:

    Asalamu alaikum my sister and Mabrook ! I am also pregnant :) but this little will be my second child only lol and I am 18 weeks. Your article was really darling to say the least :) Wa salam

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