Totally In Control

The worst feeling in the world is completely loosing control, knowing you have lost control, and not being able to stop it. Sometimes Often I find myself, at the end of the day, having no patience or energy to respond to my daughters break downs in any other way than being equally as childish and unhelpful as she is.

The worst feeling in the world.

Now before I go on, I just want to say that J is lovely. She is strong-willed and high-spirited (all nice ways of saying a handful) but she can be so thoughtful and just and defends the weak and stands up for the frail and melts icicles with her smile. J, at her core is a lovely little girl with really big emotions that on occasion get out of hand. Also, since taking her tonsils out she has become much more mild-mannered which leads me to believe her tonsils were evil. But now and then we get a visit from the anti J.

Now, I am the adult, I am the one who is supposed to be calming her down when this does occur. But when she cries for the 5th time in a row for no valid reason (well, probably a valid reason for a 4-year-old not so much for me) all I can seem to do is be just as unreasonable.

I am supposed to talk her off the proverbial ledge, not jump off it and pull her with me. I just can’t do it sometimes. I sit there being a complete idiot with her and having all the stuff I have read go through my mind like that strip at the bottom of the news channels that are showing scenes of war and carnage. Stuff like “go down to her level and speak to her calmly” and “Just hold her really tight till she calms down” or “calmly show her you know what is upsetting her so she knows that you understand”.

I remember when J was not 3 yet, and for some reason she had a before bed meltdown while I was reading them a story. So I decided that I was going to completely ignore her no matter what she does and get through the stupid story for once without interruptions because it was unfair to S. J, after realising what was going on, started chucking shoes at me… SHOES!

The first 3 whizzed passed my head but when the fourth made contact with my shoulder I had to put the damn book down again and freak out with J. Meaning S didn’t get to hear the rest of the story and rolled over and slept. (Silver lining: He can sleep through anything)

Now tell me, in that situation, what am I expected to do? The kids share a room… So I can’t just put her in her room and ignore her. It’s late, she was not yet 3 and S had school in the morning and I couldn’t risk a stand-off because J will inevitably win.

Yes, we are a long way from the 45 min tantrums she used to have daily a few years ago when we were in the UK. The people in the apartments in front of us would come to their windows and try to see where the racket is from. I am surprised they did not call the police on us. But we are still in the meltdown phases when you can see she completely looses control. The trick is, I think, to talk her down before the meltdown starts.

Inevitably though, we end up with J on my lap, hugging each other saying stuff like “I don’t like being mad at you” and “lets not do this again” and “You’re the best mama/daughter in the world”. This might just be us and how we get along… although I can’t imagine her on my lap when she’s 16… you never know.


      • of what i will do when am in your shoes,back in my teens and tweens i used to have a baaad temper and i used to lose it very easily,i toned that down alot but some times a baby cry can make the last screw in your head go loose.
        my sister in law has a 11 month old daughter who is super attached to her mom that the moment she turns her back on her she starts crying and she can go for literally two hours non stop till her mom carries her,the mom is handeling it with patients but when she loses it her eldest son who is two now gets all the yelling and some times punishments.
        i was born and raised in makkah,with a pro makkawi father who was never reluctant to kick my butt when i misbehave,and i assure u i got alot of it lol, but i am doing my best not to do what he did and avoid any physical punishments at any cost,but at times even my shout can leave a kid terrified for hours.

        • You see that is my biggest fear, that my children would be afraid of me. I want them to respect me, and to respect my rules but not to be afraid of me. We just have to remember that its our responsibility to keep calm. They hate loosing control just as much as we do, and they are the child. If you are short tempered then train yourself not to be! really. And a good thing to learn is to give your kids warning of how much patience you have at that particular time, so they know that it’s not them it is you who is not in the right mind frame to deal with things. And most importantly, if your about to loose it, leave the room (if you can). This coming from the person who just wrote an entry about totally loosing it lol. But hind sight is 20/20.

  1. It’s not easy and I know what you mean about losing your cool.

    I wonder if there is any link with diet, sugary things,…., or getting outside, working off the energy children have so much of.

    • I don’t know djd. They don’t drink any sugary sodas and might have a piece of chocolate a day but not much. I think it’s just J being 4 and strong willed lol.

  2. “The worst feeling in the world is completely loosing control, knowing you have lost control, and not being able to stop it.” So true : /

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