Gifted at Primary, Failing by Secondary

Thank you to Karyn at Kloppenmum for sharing this video on her blog. (which is amazing by the way)

That was a video by Neil Mayers author of the book ‘Gifted At Primary, Failing By Secondary’. I know some people might not agree (I know this because I was told I am being too harsh and that I am policing my kids) but again, this is what I agree with and what I am trying to do with my children (despite it being like swimming against the tide) and not an attack at anyones parenting style.

Someone once told me “you know one day they are going to be 18 and you can’t stop them from doing what they want” to which I replies “Yes, that is the plan and by the time they are 18 they won’t be addicted to TV and electronic games and mobile phones”.

I felt like the second part of the video (talking about who to invite birthday party) was aimed at myself, the mother who insisted on inviting all the boys in the class including the boy who S tried to convince me not to invite. In response to his protest I said there is no way you will invite the whole class and not this one boy.

This boy was dropped off at the birthday party and wreaked havoc. He swore at the kids, pushed them, tried to hit them. I literally dragged him out of the pool and said “If you do not stop behaving like you are behaving I will call your mother AND your father and send you straight home and it will be the last time you set foot into our house!”

The next day over breakfast I said to S: ” Oh my God that boy was so rude” and S said:”I told you not to invite him mama and you said we have to”. He’s right.

Here is my plan; I am going to set up a small desk in the hall area outside the rooms (away from the playroom and TV) for a study area with a computer that is in a common area so that I can see what my children are doing. Yes, because I do not trust them at the age of 8 and 5 to be able to make responsible decisions on internet use and because I was searching for wallpaper and got a very graphic pornographic site pop up even when using the censored internet connection. This must have slipped through the cracks and the name wonderwall must have a double meaning of some sorts that has eluded me.

My children’s rooms will never have a television in them, they will not have a computer or any other gaming device. And if I can and get the support at home they will not use their mobiles in their rooms either. The room is the place to go when you want to sleep or relax.

I am not totally against TV and gaming consoles. I am against the fact that so many children I see do not know how to play any real games anymore. I am against the fact that when they play they are in a hypnotic hyper charged state so much so that when it is finally taken away from them it inevitably ends in a meltdown. At least that is what happens when S is playing a PSP game and it’s time for him to stop. I am against what I hear so many kids say lately “I’m bored! There’s nothing to do! I have nothing to play with”. It is our role to teach children not to be dependent on these things. To be able to enjoy them and play with them for reasonable amounts of time but not let it consume them.

It kills me that my kids keep misplacing the Ipad my mother bought them and that it is never charged when they do stumble upon it but at the same time I thank God they are not glued to it. I disagree with not letting them near anything electronic because this is the world we live in and we would be handicapping them if we did not teach them to use these correctly. But we are also handicapping them by letting them become so dependent on them that they cannot have fun any other way. Sounds very much like a bad drug addiction to me.

For all of you out there who know me yes I know I am somewhat addicted to my IPad. But I make a conscious effort not to be on it when I am with my children. Same goes for my mobile phone. And we are not policing our children by limiting their access to mobiles and internet we are doing our jobs as parents. If they were meant to be able to make good decisions at 5 years, 8 years, 12 years of age they would not need parents.

10 comments

  1. Good for you! Keeping the bedrooms quiet and electronic-free won’t be the most popular decision, but you are doing the right thing. If your children have to come into the family area to play or compute, they will stay connected with the family. I asked my 20 year old daughter for her opinion and she said that she is happy we did it that way because she is closer to us. And she is better able to entertain herself without electronics.
    As for monitering their internet use, ABSOLUTELY keep the computer in a family area. You won’t have to hover over them to keep watch, if they are somewhere they souldn’t be, it will be obvious.
    Just remember one phrase “I am not so-and-so’s mother and the rules in our house are not going to change.”

    • Exactly, They have never had a TV in their room or easy access to internet so it is not a change it’s more of a reaffirmation lol. And that last phrase is one heard a lot in my house with variations such as “Are you so and so? You don’t look like so and so? if you are then ur in the wrong house!” lol

  2. Yay! Yay! Yay for you. It *is* hard to swim against the tide, but we’re revolutionaries and trend-setters, don’t you know! Way to go Mama B. :)
    You’re kids will be so much happier and more pleasant – AND easier to handle without all the electronic overload. (And thanks again for the plug, appreciated as always.)

    • LOL thank you for the encouragement. I know it all makes things easier but you do not understand how difficult it can be here. So my strategy is to control as much as I can in my house and just let it all go on the weekends when they are out of my house. No point in making the kids feel like they are being punished or singled out when everyone else is doing it. It’s the 80% 20% way of thinking.

  3. This is my plan as well. We were not allowed to have TV’s in our bedroom either, and we had a common place for the computer which was in the family room. There was NO using the internet in private. If you were on the computer, whatever you were doing on it was everyones business.. lol

    My daughter asked for a tv for her bedroom (she is 3)… I told her no mama, we are all going to watch TV together. I have seen it happen in my in-laws home that at times no one sees another person for a full week as everyone is locked in their rooms. My husbands swears it wasn’t always like that, there was a time when they had the TV in the living room upstairs and they would watch/fight over the TV. lol… people are really missing out on those fun sibling fights these days :D

    Anyway.. way to go! I support your stance fully! And plan on going the same way with my kids enshallah.

  4. On a side not, I have found that I am on my laptop wayyy too much! I need to stop this :( Spending more time with my kids is much more important than catching up with facebook/twitter/news etc. I really need to make it my mission to try use it when they are not around :s Pray for me!

    • Tell me about it! Just make a decision not to go on it for at least the first hour your kids come back from school or wake up. And then go on for just a few minutes if necessary or after they sleep. It’s difficult. Not fiddling with my black berry is difficult. But we have to follow through on what we say.

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