If you are an Arab woman then you know. You, my dear, are the cause of everything bad in the world. Everything is your fault. If anything goes wrong around you or within a short distance of where you happen to be standing, be sure it is because you did or did not do something or failed to foresee the unfortunate events that were about to happen.
How do I know this you ask? Because many Arab women have told me so. And will continue to tell me so, they will tell their daughters and friends and sisters and nieces and nephews.
If you are an Arab man, you can do no wrong. You were born perfect, will grow up perfect, and remain perfect till your last living breath. How do I know this? Many Arab women have told me so. They have told you so I am sure, since the day you were born. Let me elaborate by giving examples of real things that happen or were said over and over:
- “Women cannot drive! Women are not rational (the word that was used is عاقل, it can also be translated into sane or sound) and if they cause an accident then it is their male guardian who would get into trouble not her.” Yes, because the ‘women driving’ thing didn’t work out well in other places in the world. As my mother said (when we heard this on a television debate) “then let all the women in prison go! since they are not sane or sound then they should not be punished for any crimes! punish their male guardians”.
- By the same man as above: “Women get pains in their abdominal regions monthly. And this pain causes them not to focus and their eye sight to be bad and therefore causing accidents”.
- If a man divorces his wife: she must have let herself go. I am sure she didn’t keep things interesting. He got bored. She didn’t have children. She had too many children.
- If a man cheats on his wife: He must have found something in the other woman he couldn’t find in his wife. She must have not been giving him what he needs. She must have let herself go, (because we all know image is first and foremost for a successful marriage. Otherwise without her looks what does she have to add to the relationship?)
- If a man cheats on his wife: The other woman stole him! She seduced the poor man with all of her seductiveness and left him utterly defenseless. His wife is not seductive enough for him. (Note, no where in this scenario is the man at fault)
- If a woman doesn’t have children: Why don’t you get pregnant? You know he will go look for someone else if you don’t give him children soon (Side note, people, if a woman is not pregnant it is either because she cannot get pregnantt or she does not want to get pregnant. Asking her won’t make her suddenly remember she wants babies).
- If a woman gets harassed by a man: Well what was she wearing? She must have asked for it.
- If a woman gets hit by a man: She must have provoked him in some way. He wouldn’t just hit her for no reason.
And so on and so forth. Please feel free to add to the list. And I am interested to see your answers on the poll below.
Oh, Mama Bee. It’s 3.28am!! I wasn’t intending to write; just read but you have touched me deeply. How can things change? I want to hop on a plane and come and give you a big hug right now!
(For any other non-Arab people I can recommend “Nine Parts of Desire” by Geraldine Brooks, for a little more background.)
Kloppenmum thank you for your kind thoughts. It’s a little sad that I actually wrote that thinking it was funny. You’re reaction caught me off guard. Not that we don’t know that things need to change but I am writing about the extremes when it comes to the last two points. The rest is just a cultural thing you would find in many countries not just Islamic ones. In fact, Islam is the biggest advocate of women’s rights but unfortunately it’s mostly men who are interpreting it and setting the rules. I do not know the book you recommended so cannot endorse your recommendation but it’s definitely one I will read soon.
This sounds like America in the 1940s actually. My Grandmother who watched her husband have an affair with his secretary who he finally left her for, “because Grandma wasn’t affectionate enough..yeah all her fault” I saw my Grandfather a total of 4 times my whole life…. its all YOUR fault Grandma!
Or all the supposed “witch” burnings in Europe they killed hundred of thousands of “witches” who were actually midwives, herbalists and healers but hey the cow died must be SOME woman’s fault… kill her!
So yeah its not about Islam… its about a troubling, very troubling world-perspective that women are somehow the enemy.
I do not recommend 9 Parts of Desire. I read it and its a bit sensationalist/biased and leaves a feeling of anti-Islam but I DO recommend, very very highly:
Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide
It is a very well balanced book and looks at female oppression through the whole world and how giving women access to health, safety, education, work benefits whole communities in a way that is scientifically proven a greater benefit than when those same opportunities are given to men, who do not reinvest back into the community.
You got it exactly Jenna. It is not an Islamic thing, rather a cultural one. Just read a little about women in the history of Islam or women’s rights in Islam and that is evident. Our problem lies in the people not the religion.
Now I have two more books on my list! From the reviews of 9 Parts of Desire it did seem a little anti Islamic but I would still be interested to read it. Half the sky sounds really good.
Actually it is about both and failure to acknowledge that is putting your head in the sand. Culture and religion are both manmade environments that should be re-evaluated and rejected when any form of discrimination, vileness, racism or hate is associated. There are numerous cultures and religions which are chalked full of both including Islam, Chistianity, Judiaism, and more.
should read “chalked full of this” including…
they existed,existing,and will exist forever, the best thing we can do is be the change we want to see.
to my little family,the girls, (wifey and daughter) are a source of my pride, when i talk about my wife i say her name loud and clear for everyone to hear,because,she really makes me proud for everything she does.
women are human,men are human,all are prone to mistakes, we do clash,and argue,some times because of her,mostly because of me, it happens, we apologize and move forward,cos thats the only way we can keep the wheel spinning.
my only comment about women driving is that Saudi arabia is not prepared to add another Group of drivers (be it women or any other group) to the existing drivers until the government strictly and firmly apply rules and laws and make sure everyone OBEY it.
Not allowing women to drive in saudi in my opinion is not because women lack ability to drive,its because saudi streets are not safe,we all know that Saudi is the leader in traffic accidents worldwide,ill be crazy to let my wife drive alone in saudi anytime soon.
I agree that driving here is insane! As I wrote in the post called “we have the fear, just not the right one” it is probably the scariest part of my day when my kids are driving to or back from school. BUT if women were given driving lessons and obviously wouldn’t get their licenses unless they took the test and passed it then we would have less drivers on the road who are mostly from 3rd world countries, some probably have never heard of traffic laws, few only care what happens to the cars they are driving, most are harassed and over worked. So less of them, less accidents… no? also, I remember reading somewhere once that women have less accidents then men? not sure. the “Saher” cctv system has already curbed the accident rate, will try and find out by how much.
I think, even though it is not safe, it should be safer and it is not an excuse. Women are crippled here without a driver. Also, it’s embarrassing… I know you agree. and I for one will not be driving if they let women drive because I have no sense of direction and if there is only one thing I could trip over in the room believe me I will. lol
oh statistics showed that the majority of the accidents are caused by teen and tween wreckless mostly saudi drivers,of course most of them get away with it because they have their backs covered.
we all saw it,five of my schoolmates died in car accidents before finishing highschool.
drivers do cause accidents,but they r usually less catastrophic.
Oh dear, that sounds awful. I know that it’s supposed to be funny, but it’s a rather sad read… xx
It does doesn’t it…
I read 9 Parts of Desire a while ago, but don’t remember feeling it was anti-Islamic – but it was some time ago. It did give me a starting point for understanding a little more about Islam – I would hate to think I got the wrong idea, as I’m always keen to learn about other people.
I would be interested in your opinion Mama Bee, if you get a chance to read it.
I also agree it’s a cultural thing – there are still some of these lingering attitudes here in New Zealand with some people too.
…And now I think of it, my grandmother wasn’t allowed to drive when they got their first car. That meant that when my grandfather died, almost 30 years ago, she was at the mercy of friends and relatives to get to the supermarket etc. Maybe it’s just a matter of beginning the change, however we can, so that our grand-daughters (and grandsons – can it be healthy to be brought up to think you’re perfect? ) are better off than we are.
I think that’s more sane now. I’ve had some coffee and it is properly morning!
It is all in how we raise them in the end you’re right. Youo were perfectly sane to begin with lol. I’m going to try and read both books and see. I always though it would be great ton have a virtual book club on the site and choose books relevant to the subjects I write about… Maybe in a few months :) thank you for participating I love when the readers comment :)
It is good when you’re not posting into a void.
Am trying to track down my copy of the book, so that I can re-read it. I’m a different person to who I was – maybe I’ll see it differently too.
(You’re not still in London with all that bad weather, are you?)
Nope, in Riyadh in the freezing cold! well, not quite freezing but cold for here. I know people who were stuck there trying to get here and here trying to get there. Horrible!
It is all in how we raise them in the end you’re right. You were perfectly sane to begin with lol. I’m going to try and read both books and see. I always though it would be great to have a virtual book club on the site and choose books relevant to the subjects I write about… Maybe in a few months :) thank you for participating I love when there are comments :) then I know I’m not talking to myself lol
I’ve actually had white Muslim women tell me the same thing…..but they are speaking about all women in general not just arab women.
The things we often find funniest are when a touchy spot is hit, when there is truth behind them.
Indeed, we must be the change we want to see.
Asalam Alaykum, omg tell me about it. I am from the South in America and our culture is a lot like my husbands culture here (Saudi). Everything is always the woman’s fault, etc. I have heard my own grandmother make excuse and excuse for the men in my family that have cheated, etc. She will say they are a man blah blah. UGH SO. We are all human.
I am so sick of that same old song and dance. If a man can not control himself that is HIS problem. And okay I always hear about women keeping themselves us what about the men? We do not want no fat husband just the same ????????? lol
[…] Why Arab women are the root of all Evil (according to Arab women) December 201019 comments 5 […]
I love your article ..a bit (a lot) sarcastic i must say but hey!! how can we talk about such a difficult and sensitive issue if it is not with some humor….you made me smile and laugh; and reading the comments proved me indeed that we get your message!!!
Alhamdoulleh I am married to the sweetest most patience and loving husband I could dream of !! and I do have a temper sometimes…
When talking to my mother in law and sister in law I learned that my husband when young used to helped out his mother with chores at home when coming back from school as well as his younger brothers … His father who is very religious (he is a Imam)has always been very loving and respectful to his mother Men in his family never expected to have a woman serving them or treating them as if they were “master” … Just to say that we as mother can and must educate our sons to be loving and respectful toward women and a simple start would be to assign them with the same chores as our daughters ..those are small things that can make a great difference …
Keep up the good work !!
I have been living in KSA for 5 months and yes the driving is just crazy I would not drive even if I could lol..:)
i am a first time visitor to this site and i will be back.I tell my husband that he’s
perfect in everyway,I think they need to hear it whether or not its true or not.But infrequently he can admit that he’s wrong and no one likes to do that but it needs to be done.
The “perfect in every way part”is usually something i say when i get tired of being the blame for everything,i can not agree with this.Children have two parents,is one more responsible than the other?All we can do is hope that when they are out in the world they can still hear our voices guiding them,and pray.
The only thing that really matters is that at the end of the day and at the very start of the day you are exactly where you want to be,next to the man you love.
Hi I just found your blog and I loved this article!
I think Saudi women are the key to improving and changing Saudi women’s rights. From the beginning when a daughter is born she should be taught how equally capable and important she is like her brothers. A daughter should be encouraged and taught to know her God given rights.. And who can do this but their mothers, aunts, cousins sisters..I wish women would stop making excuses for men and make all other womens lives more difficult!
This happens everywhere though, not just Saudi. the reasons might be slightly different though, but it does happen.
As for the driving, I would be one of the first women out there driving I dont care about the traffic, I guess us Finnish people have rally driving genes :) I cant wait for that day to come. I was just driving in the desert last weekend and few cars full of men passed by and just to see the look on the mens faces made it all worth it!hahaha suckers!
Hi Laylah, Happy you liked this post :-) You’re right, it is in the way we raise our children. But sometimes the women are more difficult than the men!
The driving is bound to happen, if the fundamentalists would back off. But it is inevitable inshallah :-) look forward to reading your blog!
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Hi Mama B,
Your post resonated with me so much. I am living in Egypt and it’s almost the same culture.
These concepts and beliefs really irritate me because I don’t find any reason for them. I believe that the problem is mainly in the women’s mentality. I see a low self esteem in every woman thinking this way which made her see in the woman the cause of every evil on earth instead of seeing her as the source of love and life on earth. These women can’t love or value themselves, they believe that they are worthless. That’s what they have been taught, they have been raised with these beliefs and they are feeding these beliefs to their kids.
Boys when they grow up they are not accountable, they feel distinguished, they are free to do whatever they without any observation or control while the girl must be under supervision and control of all men of the family even the youngest one. I think to change this we can start by the education of our kids girls and boys and even adult women to improve their self esteem and make them value themselves, may be it helps. I dream to be able to contribute to this change but I am not sure how I can do it as some people (men and even women) will exclaim that it’s against Islamic rules which is not true.
I liked your posts so much :)
thank you so much for your comment and I am so sorry I never got around to answering it till now. Unfortunately it’s the way with all arab women I am afraid although to different extents. But the male is always king and the woman should thank her lucky stars.
Happy you enjoyed reading! Just about to head over to your blog to read now!
As salaam aleikoem,
Unfortunately many men don`t understand the gift that Allah(swt) has created for us …. women.
Allah(swt) instructs men to be nice to their wives and to treat them well to the best of their ability:
“…And live with them in kindness…” (Quran 4:19)
The Messenger of God said, The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character. The best of you are those who are the best to their women.’
The Prophet of Mercy tells us that a husband’s treatment of his wife reflects a Muslim’s good character, which in turn is a reflection of the man’s faith.
“And among His signs is this that He has created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them; and He has put love and mercy between you. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Quran 30:21)
It`s so sad that Arab culture placed boys above girls and they are raised with the idea they can`t do no wrong and that they (Men) are placed above women.
One of my favorite parts of the Quran Surah Al Ahzab, Ch.33, Verse No.35, which says,
‘For Muslim men and Muslim women,
for believing men and women,
for devout men and women,
for true men and women,
for men and women who are patient and constant,
for men and women who give in charity,
for men and women who fast and deny themselves,
for men and women who guard their chastity,
for men and women who engage much in God’s praise,
God has prepared for them forgiveness and a vast reward.’
This verse indicates that the spiritual duties, the moral duties, for the men and women in Islam are the same – Both have to believe, both have to pray, both have to fast, both have to give in charity, etc.
If whe are so much equal in duties then my wife is surely allow tho drive my car !
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[…] pond. It may just surpassed my most popular post which is not surprisingly also about women issues. (Why Arab Women Are The Root Of All Evil). Some people didn’t agree some did and that’s the beauty of opinions, everyone has […]
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You can submerge yurself in a bookstore for
a day. I found it nice to be ablpe to control how fast oor
slow I wanted to go, and not have my caulk gun decide for me.
Are you looking for a sex partner and want it for free and no charge at all?
Thhe beach has a lot of waves, which makes it a perfect loccation for indulging in surfing.
In fact, both of these even go hand in hand with online dating opportunities, one of the most popular online activities
for singlers today. This is a list of 5 top choices for singles in D.C.
And if you think you can not do video because you look stupid – do
onee of two things.
Hotels and other amenities often raise their prices during these
weeks. It is a city, whioch loves andd welcomes outdoor population, and is filled with energetic youngsters.
Recreational activities like surfing, body boarding and beach games, are a way of life for the people living here.The single
serving bags are very handy, iin my opinion. It usually
is not veryy costly to place a personal ad in the newspaper, and it
is sometimes free for female singles seeking dates.
They have an excellent fresh veggie taste.
We all know man can be very falsely proud and you shouldnt have to suffer so much blame for that. No need to put blame where it diesnt belong on arab women. We have to all be truly humble and accept our own responsibility. mans fault for not controlling himself. Man cannot justify his evil cause he tempted. His responsibility is his and her your responsibility is hers yours. Please Help each other in true humility, not in pride over another. We have to find true righteousness here if we want peace in the Hereafter
Wrong words are counted as bad deeds. Truly right words are counted as good deeds on the Day of Judgment. Remember that. Your words will held for or against you on Judgmen day. Verbal/written reponsibility is a big responsibility. Quran makes this clear.
Please at least correct your title and post. Sura Sad verse 2 points out that “self glory, selfishness is the root of all evil”.
This is a kind warning. Plead let not his wrongs seem like your faault and make you lie as you did here. Allah said Satan makes wrongs fair seeming. Muslim means everyone (regardless of race, status, etc) submit your whole self responsibly to Allah, only. Please correct title and post if you believe in the Quran on responsibility in speech.
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