Research Is What I’m Doing When I Don’t Know What I’m Doing*

I over think things when it comes to my children (if you are a follower of my blog you probably agree). And I am addicted to research. The other day my son asked me a random question, I think it was “do people eat stingrays” and I said “I don’t know… I’ll…” before I could finish the sentence he said “…Google it!”.

There are upsides to this and down sides. The up side is that I come across some very interesting and helpful information. Like this article that I read yesterday. I think it has a very valid point and it’s something I would like to try to incorporate into my parenting.

The downside is that it just adds to the many things I am trying to do as a parent that are ‘managed’ or ‘forced’. I know it’s difficult being a parent and like any job it requires that you act in a certain way. But it does get tough trying to control your actions and emotions in your own home all day till the children sleep.

It would be easier to just go with my gut when it comes to parenting but my pregnant, hormonal gut right now would sit them in front of crap TV shows all day (B included). Give them anything they want to eat and indulge them in order to stop them whining. Then my non pregnant non hormonal self will probably militarize the home because I don’t deal well with whining children. Our motto in my mother’s house was “Bala Dala3” which, in Arabic, means stop being melodramatic. I would be that x100.

In all seriousness I manage myself in order to control myself not the children. When J doesn’t want to sleep in the room she should be sleeping in (like she didn’t want to last night) and is screaming so loudly that it literally hurts your ears, it take a lot of self control to speak to her calmly. It takes A LOT of will to explain to her how her actions are hurting her and the people around her and how no matter how much she cries these are the rules and we will not change them. Certainly not for someone acting as she was. All of this in a monotone, calm voice.

What I wanted to do was scream back just as loud and for just as long and take away all her toys and ground her for the next weekend and tell her she will never get a bedtime story ever again for as long as she lives. Yes, seriously. That is what I was suppressing.

So while researching too much does make me nervous and confused sometimes it does give me tools to fall back on when I am in a room with a screaming 5-year-old. Or being pinched on my arm by a 2-year-old… THAT is a whole other post! I’m afraid the terrible 2’s have visited my little B and seem to be here to stay. God help us all.

Do you research your parenting or it is all organic and home-grown? 

*quote by Wernher von Braun

6 comments

  1. OMG! One thing I loved about this post is that it assures me that the craziness in my house actually HAPPENS in other houses ,, and I must say that this is in fact relieving lol
    Personally I live this “I NEED to scream my guts out and perhaps hold my daughter and shake her in an attempt to knock some sense into her” feeling almost every day! I used to be a regular at Babycenter.com, and What to Expect never left my side; BUT I figured that the best recipe is a mixture between the professional tips/ best friends’ recommendations that we share over coffee / my personal decision because I’m their mother and I rule and how cute they look at the time of a certain incident is what I am following :D
    In short, if it’s a health issue I do not risk it, if it’s a psychological thing that is a bit concerning I also seek professional help, if it’s basically dala3 and drawing attention, I deal with it mostly by talking to myself trying to calm myself down and looking at the funny side of things and convincing myself that this will be something I’ll laugh about in a few years especially while my kid is screaming and having a tantrum in the middle of the mall or if she decides to scream and wake the entire house up in the middle of the night for no reason for example does the trick most of the time for me :D otherwise, my head will simply explode!! good luck :)

    • LOL Reem good to know you can relate. Besides the talking to yourself you now have your blog as well! Great therapy btw. And I constantly sit at the end of a tough day of children issues thinking “in a few weeks I will have forgotten about this and all will be ok”.

      • Though my boy is 9 months old only today, I can also relate in your description about your personality or more of how you are like. I am addicted to research and already spent many many hours researching everything baby and parenting related. In fact, the thing that drives me crazy now is that AZ (my son) started to fight sleep very hard. It gets me so much. My emotions already increases when I spend 45 minutes minimum, trying to help him sleep. Maybe because I am a type A personality.
        He still doesn’t talk. yet I am already thinking that I need to control my emotion.
        Allah el Musta3an.

  2. I must say thank you for letting me see my sons actions are normal.. he is 2.. and at times I can not believe the things he does.. he pinched me the other day and I was in shock.. I nipped it in the but.. but its a daily struggle.. and I must admit that I have started to seriously SCREAM.. not yell at him.. I hate myself right after… and he spat on his sister (something he learned from his cousin.. grrr).. and without thinking I smacked him on the mouth.. arghhh.. he stopped it… but I feel guilty right after.. I often say I NEED nanny 911.. I dream of her coming to my home.. and then doing her magic.. and my amazingly behaved children my hubby and I are giving her hugs and kisses and waving goodbye to her from our front door and she drives off in her London cab… I really wish this dream would come true.. I really do! Till then thank you for letting me know that you (yes you)… I swear I consider you the perfect parent… and if u can handle something like this.. I know i better be able to handle it enshallah.. anyway.. thanks for sharing this.. and I do hope ur pregnancy is going well enshallah… Thanks again!

    • LOOOOL you had me in stitches! Hummmm… lets start a nanny 911 business but call it nanny 999… I don’t think a british woman telling Saudi mothers what they’re doing wrong with their children would go down well. What did you do to nip it in the bud btw?? I’m seriously contemplating pinching him back loool.
      What made me really laugh was considering me the perfect parent! looool I am so totally flattered but find it hilarious because I have no idea what the h@%& I’m doing 99% of the time. But thank you :-) It’s an amazing thing to hear.

      • ermmm.. that is what I did :D shhhh.. plss don’t tell the Saudi Childrens AId society on me :D hahaha.. can u imagine.. they would be sitting there telling her she was wrong half the time.. :) and yes.. believe me.. I love your parenting style… I sincerely think of u as the model (modern yet with a traditional twist) mom! Masha’allah 3laich!

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